I touched on ‘acceptance’ being an integral part of healing from celiac disease, but it’s more than that. It’s not only accepting the fact that you can’t eat or do certain things anymore, it’s also surrendering yourself to healing. Now that you have a diagnosis of celiac, what are you going to do to make yourself heal? What lengths will you go to to feel better?

Researching ways to heal my body naturally has become an obsession for me. I pour through journal articles, medical studies and even blog posts to try to find the right cocktail of vitamins, minerals, herbs and foods I need to consume in order to feel better.

Sometimes I feel like I’m reading in circles. When I get to that point, I take a break for a while. I just want to understand the processes in the body, how they work together normally and what causes them to misfire to cause disease. I believe that means taking into account many different paths of medicine, natural, modern, eastern, Ayurvedic and more. I don’t believe any one way is more beneficial than another; it all depends on the doctor, their knowledge and experience. If you are lucky enough to find a doctor that will spend their time to work with you on finding ways to make you feel better, you’ve got it made!

I haven’t been so lucky. My whole life has been one misdiagnosis after another. Doctors have gotten exasperated with me and my requests, they make me feel like I’m crazy for wondering about some of the things I ask. Modern medical doctors have done me wrong numerous times: performed surgeries, given radioactive iodine, and been generally uneducated in the functions and processes of the body, and my body in particular, before they administer surgeries or drugs.

One can say that modern medicine hasn’t been around for that long so how can we truly understand the processes and malfunctions of the body until recently, and yes that is somewhat true. Functions of the body have been known for millennia, with scrolls depicting veins and inner systems of the human body. We can understand more now, but modern medicine seems to turn a blind eye to anything that wasn’t documented before 1910, even later on other things. Methods of keeping ourselves alive for thousands of years are discredited because there isn’t a ‘proper medical study’ done on a particular remedy. If modern medicine wasn’t funded by drug companies whose sole purpose is to replace natural treatments with synthetic versions that they can make money from, what would be the state of health in America?

On that note, I don’t quite understand why the drug companies need to make it synthetic to make money. Natural remedies work, they just don’t work very fast. Our society has become so fast-paced that taking the proper amount of time to heal yourself is frowned upon. Read that again folks…taking time to heal yourself is frowned upon by the companies we work for and society at large.

I’ve been trying to heal myself my whole life and all I’ve heard is that it’s either all in my head or to just keep pushing through the pain. So that’s what I’ve been doing, pushing through the pain. Put on a smile and spread some sunshine when my stomach and joints are burning, a headache is threatening, my muscles ache and spine hurts high and low. I bob back and forth on my ankles because they can’t hold me up straight and my feet and legs ache to no end. It’s exhausting and I try, but I’m not always the best at bringing the sunshine and happiness every day. I’m much better now than I was a couple years ago before my celiac diagnosis, as I’m sure some of my old coworkers can attest, but I did try.

It makes me sad because I’m usually a very happy-go-lucky person, a lover of life with a positive outlook towards everything and everyone. I feel like celiac and modern medicine have robbed me of my happiness and chance at a normal, healthy life. I’m still angry and I need to just surrender and let it be. There’s nothing I can do to change the past, so I have to figure out what to do to move forward and get as healthy as I can from here.

I’m at the point now where my feet and legs ache so badly, it’s all I can think about. My lower spine has been aching and swollen, along with the upper part of my spine in my neck. I can’t focus or get lost in my work or creative outlets because the pain is taking over my mind. I’m laying here outside now, it’s getting chillier and I’m getting cold, but I don’t want to get up because my ankles, lower legs and feet are throbbing. I’m trying to form a complete thought and post here, but it just runs to rambles because the pain is the focus. I’ve put off surgery on my feet long enough and I can’t put it off anymore. The house is almost set up, the backyard is just about finished. It’s time to fix my feet. I have to surrender my Type-A, go-go-go, Miss Independent lifestyle to Celiac, and let it be until my body heals. If I could lie in a pool and float for a few months, that’d be great, but then my skin would probably get funkier than it is now. Celiac…I surrender…to the pain, to the worry, to the stress and uncertainty…to the healing.

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